Do you sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that your man is cheating on you? Does something always seem out of place or you're trying to piece together a puzzle yet can't find all the pieces to make a complete picture? Depending upon the sensitivity of your “cheater radar”, you could be overreacting entirely but that lingering doubt in the back of your mind will haunt you and follow you until its resolved. If only there were a way to know for sure. First, lets talk about why a man strays then we will discuss 10 great warning signs you will not likely find anywhere else.
When a man takes on the responsibility of a girlfriend, they occasionally begin to hear their inner caveman voice that tells them to take on the hunter-gatherer mentality. All men hear this to some extent, but some can drown out the caveman voice while other men's caveman voice is literally howling at the moon. We can further classify the players into the blatantly obvious stooge just begging to be caught compared to the master technician of clandestine affection. Meaning, some guys are really good at being a cheater and some guys aren't. I won't insult you with examples of “running into the next room to answer a phone call” or “pretending to get offended by your accusations of cheating”. No, this is not amateur hour.
The masters will tell you a dozen lies without stumbling for a microsecond so some serious homework and observation will be necessary if you suspect your guy to be cheater. Knowing that I'm probably going to be kicked out of the Brotherhood of Man for writing this, I better make this one count, so here are a few lesser known tricks that always go unnoticed.
Does your man have a meticulously clean home? Men often implement a policy of cleanliness that often masks what we call “girl proofing” the house. This means we remove any and all evidence of any female visitors other than your belongings. Don't bother checking the top drawers or obvious places for contraband, but go for the back of the closet or buried deep into a dresser drawer. Occasionally, a man will keep souvenirs as trophies or a girl will accidently leave something behind that we must dispose of quickly. Also, check the bedside tables for jewelry or hair scrunchies as this is a place where men find random surprises and its the quickest place to hide the evidence.
Does he often turn the phone ringer to the off position? This is a way of preventing someone from calling where he would have to run into the next room, so its more like a second generation fix for the unwanted phone call. If so, he's got someone calling and doesn't want to leave you suspicious and inquisitive. Players hate to tip off their girlfriend that something might be up, so this is a great warning sign he is using his full defensive guard to keep everything as quiet as possible.
- Does he have a tendency to change his bed linens 1 – 2 times each week and blame it on his love of clean laundry or germaphobia? Even better, does he have a certain pillow for you? If a guy has other girls for “sleep overs,” he is adding extra insurance that you will not be able to detect the other girl's perfume or hair shampoo from the bed linens. A lesser known secret is to change out the bed linens, always use a separate pillow for each girl, and flip the mattress on the bed. It sounds silly but trust me, it works flawlessly.
Does he seem constantly busy or claim to be a workaholic? One of the easiest ways for a guy to keep a girl hanging around is convince her that he is a workaholic. Granted this could be true and most women know about this excuse, but when its 11pm on a Tuesday night and he's “working” but doesn't answer his office phone, you might have trouble. An added degree of certainty we use is to park our car in our work building parking lot, and have a friend pick us up. This calms your fears that we're really working when we aren't. If he is a business traveler, then it will be very difficult to catch him so tread cautiously.
Does he claim to have a hobby that takes him away for a weekend? Yet, you notice none of the equipment needed for this hobby is ever used, or that he doesn't own any of the proper equipment? Chances are he's seeing another girl in on the other side of town, or he's staying in town and keeping a low profile. I'm not saying you should camp outside his place, but keep an eye out for the out of town boyfriend problem.
Does he turn his laptop away from your field of view, or quickly slam the laptop shut when you surprise him? The internet is a great invention for information sharing, but its also a great tool to reel in the ladies without devoting a large amount of work. In financial planning lingo, its what we call “passive income”, meaning we setup a product (the profile) and rake in the dividends. Its a poor choice of an analogy, but the true cheater will look at it precisely in that way. As some insurance, checkout the local dating sites and see if he pops up. Even better, check his myspace or facebook profiles. If he has 20 girls and 2 guys as friends, the warning lights should go off.
Does he shy away from taking you to dinner or to a local hangout? If so, he's trying to keep from his regular circle of friends (especially his girlfriend's friends) from catching him with a different girl. Every amateur player knows that he has to introduce you to his friends at some time, because most girls know that if you don't meet his friends, you're a secret bootie call and that's it. However, we get around this by allowing you to meet certain friends who are doing similar things or at least, tolerant of the behavior and cover for us. Therefore, if you're only meeting his guy friends at private events chances are likely that you're being played.
Does the passenger seat in his car seem like its been raised, shortened, or changed in some way? Even worse, after his car has gone unused for a weekend, where you were the last one to ride in it with him, and yet something still feels out of place? This is a huge warning sign. Most men do not allow others drive their car unless he's had too much to drink, so this is a great sign to detect cheating. Remember, even the best cheaters will overlook a minor detail eventually.
Does he constantly obsess about your schedule, or require that you show up at a precise time just to hangout at his place? Good players are excellent at time management. They commonly divide up their time on a daily basis to maintain contact with the “other girls” in their life, so this is a very good indication something is going on. Try showing up late a few times to throw him off, but if you really want to test his loyalties, show up an hour early to find out what he is really up to.
- Does he have some type of new knowledge or behavior that is outside of his normal behavioral patterns? If your guy is your average everyday guy and he suddenly knows very specific details about say, Polynesian cooking, when his normal dinner includes something frozen accompanied by a 3 minute wait and a “Ding” noise, he might be playing the field. The worst case scenario, you notice a change in “bedroom behavior” where a new trick was learned or styles have been altered.
These are just a few warning signs of a master player. There are many more, but now you have a chance of spotting some of the 2nd and 3rd generation warning signs. Like Darwin predicted in his most controversial theory of evolution, those creatures who can adapt the quickest will flourish in a changing environment. The changing environment is now, and just like many other species, men still have to adapt when women figure out our best tricks.
I caution those of you who might arouse some inner paranoia applying what has been written here. There are some guys out there that are naturally genuine, and if he's completely satisfied, wouldn't leave you in a million years. Well... unless HeidI Klum shows up but that is never going to happen. Right?
Personal Note: I encourage questions/comments/concerns on anything I write, so if you have an alternate theory or agree with me, please drop me a quick note.
